I ~ To Be or Not to Be

"Take it or leave it?"

          Hamlet is one of the amazing masterpieces of Shakespeare. It was very intense for me and I liked the story. It was full of revenge and this is where I got to know the references in the shows I watched back then when I was a child. One line struck me like an arrow and it was in Act 3, Scene 1. The said line is "To be or not to be, that is the question." It was a line said by Hamlet and I have once said it to myself. The line is about taking risks or just leaving it as it is. One of the many instances I said that to myself is during my younger years in Cavite Science. Specifically, I was in my second year when I was chosen/volunteered to be our class's Mr. Earthwatch candidate.

          It all started when were picking. We already had a candidate for the Ms. Eartchwatch, who was Roxanne Reyes, but for the Mr. Eartwatch, no one was volunteering. We were having a hard time and I at first I was saying "No, I don't want to be the candidate" but deep inside, I was like "Please choose me, I want to try it. I will do my best." Maybe the reason I had doubts was because I will fail the expectations of my classmates. We might lose and I might bring shame to our class but then this came. One my classmates asked me again, "Can you be our candidate?" This was the moment of no return. I said "If no one really wants to be our candidate, then I will." This was the moment my heart almost exploded. Then the guy who said that to me was like "Hey, everybody. Jonaz is our candidate." So, it wasn't technically volunteering because if they didn't ask me, I would just let them be.

          My heart was relieved after this moment. Each day just built up until the moment we prepared our clothes and I practiced my piece. I was debating with myself if I should use three instruments or just one but I was like since I already have been playing one instrument, the piano, before, it is time to show my hard word with the violin and flute. I didn't know what to do since while I was practicing, I could already feel the disappointment of my classmates. I could feel them saying we won't win or like failure is ahead but I just left them be and I did what I felt like doing and didn't want them to affect what I do. The clothes I will wear were also prepared already, all we have to do is wait for the actual day and like it was only yesterday, here it comes.

          The program began and my heart was throbbing. This was really the moment I have been waiting for. We did the introduction and other stuff then here comes the talent portion. It was a big FAILURE, like seriously. I have been practicing all day but it still failed but my classmates were really nice to me. My classmates kept on cheering me while I was on stage. It made me feel the truth that winning isn't what I wanted, what I really wanted was support from my classmates even for a little while. Then we showcased the clothes we made from recycled materials. We were left standing on the stage for I think half an our or so. It was really tiring but I tried to give a smile to everybody who were there supporting me just like my family and my classmates even when my pants ripped already. I and Roxanne wasn't chosen in the top to participate in the Q&A portion of the program but it was okay. It was really fun and for once, I felt my classmates' support. I received an award and it was Mr. Popular and my partner, Roxanne, also got Ms. Popular. Even days after the event, I was still a bit disappointed with myself but my classmates said that it was really okay that we didn't win then after just a while, I was able to move on but I will never forget that day when it all started, then the event itself, until the aftermath. It is a moment I have engraved in my heart and it will last until the end of time because even when I lost, I still won.

          So as you see, with life, comes obstacles. The two of them are one together. They could never be separated. As a quote says, "It is better to die trying than regretting not trying at all" or something like that. I don't really remember. They say that ignorance is a bliss but I beg to differ. Well, yeah, it may seem like a bliss but what comes after is paralyzing agony from regret. I already tried ignorance before but I was full of regret and hatred for myself. Life is all about taking risks. Nothing will happen to you if you will just ignore so no matter big are the odds, we should learn to gamble and put ourselves on the line. Even if we make mistakes, we learn new lessons, get new ideas to be better and until we win the biggest obstacle ever, which is life.

I and my amazing partner, Roxanne with Edward.