I am Nobody

I am currently now a first year college student in a very prestigious university and let me tell you the pressure is real. In fact, too real. Well, at least, I'm still a nobody.

Just as in high school, I'm still the nobody, the individual who is no one. The no one that you just pass through every single day and a day could pass even without me. Don't give me that bull that it won't be the same. Let me tell you, it was, it is, it will always be like that. I'm still a nobody.

Though I want to be happy, I just can't. What's so freaking wrong? I don't even know. Is it just me?

I thought I had a best friend. But when I started opening up to him, and showing who I really was as a person, he just started becoming distant.

I wish I had a squad. They say I'm part of the squad? Like ef, we don't even talk to each other in a daily basis.

I once had a sense of comfort when I heard the term 'social butterfly'. It made me feel... special. My 'best friend' was in fact a social butterfly too, as he had no 'squad' to stay into just like me. But I saw the difference between me is that he is a butterfly, and I'm just a moth. A freaking, annoying moth. He is fine to go with any squad, everybody likes him! Me, I just annoy people and I am so sick of tolerance from them.

I'm surprised I haven't shed a single tear about what I've been feeling recently. Maybe I just had become numb, intolerant to the pain.

I wish I had someone who would plan my birthday surprises, who would give me gifts on my birthday, someone who could just care about my existence. I see my blockmates receiving gifts, enjoying their cake and balloons from their friends but I just can't help myself but feel jealous. Am I a bad person? Did I do anything wrong? I had always been trying to approach people, being kind to them, helping them whenever they needed my help. And what do I get when I need help? Nothing. I wish my 'friends' would post on my facebook or on my twitter my pictures with them. Oh well, since I am ugly as ef, I don't blame them too much.

Do my friends imagine a future with me? I guess, probably not. No, I'm definitely sure.

Giving me false promises to just get my hopes up and then what? Leave me hanging. Maybe that's what I should do but nooo, I can't. I would just further burden them if I do that. So it is better to just go on my monotonous, boring life while my friends just enjoy their vibrant, colorful life. At least me, the nobody, is the only one who receives the nothingness.

Well, that probably just suits me. I am a Nobody who deserves Nothing.